Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Integrated cohesiveness and CiP packs

The Ministry of Keeping Migrants Out of the UK is also keeping itself busy. Ruthless Kelly and Lie-am Burns have the job of daily coming up with new and ever more demanding hoops for migrants to jump through. The latest proposal is a new national 'British Day', in line with the 'citizenship' revolution which almost-PM Brown has insisted on.

Under this revolution, the teens of today will be in the enviable position of receiving a 'citizenship pack' to keep them in line with migrants and to create a sense of 'community pride'. Presumably, this CiP is like the unfortunate HiP for property sales but with an added inspection for dissenting tendencies and a full investigation to ensure that sufficient Britishness is retained in line with integrative cohesiveness targets. Allegedly, 3% discounts on repaying the student loan will also be offered in return for jury service and other essential civic duties like voting New Labour. Ruthless and Lie-am argue that the current policy is difficult to understand and unclear which is why:
'we are replacing it with a new 500 page dossier of regulations laying out the new integrated cohesive standards for Britishness with a check box to be ticked at the end of each page'.

Furthermore they issue a stark warning:
"there is a critical risk that after 40 years in which diversity has grown, Britain's communities stop looking outwards, celebrating what they have in common and instead begin looking inward, stressing their differences and divisions"

In line with this aim, compulsory Britishness celebration parties will be introduced and the citizen designate must attend at least one a year to keep themselves eligible for a temporary passport document and biometric identity card for a mere £350 a year.

These measures will also succeed in blowing away the 'toxic form of pollution around society' spread by people like muslims and the BNP. The government aims to respond quickly to a growing 'mood of nationalism' that is widely rejected by the BNP. Lie-am says that citizenship should be "earned and not handed out" and pointed to the decline of the rare white male in work species. It is predicted that by 2011 'only 20% of Britain's workforce will be white, abled-bodied men under 45.' This could have a disasterous knock on effect on the sale of esteemed organs such as The Sun, FHM and Nuts magazine. This touching concern for the indigenous population is shared by people like Margaret Bodge [Minister of State for Complaining About Bloody Immigrants] although she declined to comment, when asked to share her thoughts about the aboriginal population of Australia. Downing street is keen to link the current ethical foreign policy to overseas trade and aid packages given to countries that accept returns of illegal migrants and promise not to torture them (for at least 3 months).


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