How British are you?

Most readers will be well aware of the new requirement for a British citizenship test for those immigrants who would seek to join our ‘British values’ and want to integrate into ‘our way of life’. A few days ago I heared somebody talking about these tests and how exceptionally difficult they were, that even the Queen herself would struggle to answer them. Allegedly, there was even one question on the Republic of Eire although I couldn’t figure out how this was connected to ‘Britishness’ as it did not involve drinking an alcoholic beverage known as Guinness. I decided to investigate for myself. How relevant are the questions to the infamous British values? Test yourself here with Kebz’s Britishness quiz:

In the 1980s who were not the largest immigrant groups to come to the United Kingdom?

A. Americans B. Australians C. South Africans D. Indians

How many children (under 18) are estimated to be working in the United Kingdom at any one time? [Depends what time of day you are talking about surely?]

A. 1 million B. 2 million C. 3 million D. 4 million

[Surely everybody knows this?] Since 1971 the United Kingdom’s population has grown by..

A. 17% B. 10% C. 7.70% D. 5.10%

In which order do the UK national days fall? [I don’t have a clue]

A. St Patrick's Day, St George's Day, St David's Day, St Andrew's Day B. St George's Day, St David's Day, St Patrick's Day, St Andrew's Day C. St David's Day, St Andrew's Day, St Patrick's Day, St George's Day D. St David's Day, St Patrick's Day, St George's Day, St Andrew's Day

[This made me laugh] What are the two key features of the civil service?

A. Neutrality B. Favouritism C. Efficiency D. Professionalism

[You are only British if you know how to pay your council tax]

What options do you have when paying the council tax? (Select 3 answers)

A. You can pay it in one payment B. You can pay it in two instalments C. You can pay it over 2 year period D. You can pay it in 10 instalments

Who is eligible for free dental treatment? (select 3 answers)

A. People under 18 (except in Wales) B. Pregnant women and women with babies under 12 months old C. People over 45 D. People on income support, Jobseekers’ allowance or Pension Credit Guarantee.

Who is eligible for a free knighthood? (select 3 answers)

A. People with establishment connections B. Pregnant women and women with babies under 12 months old C. People with a huge wad of cash to donate to the governing party D. People who can turn donations into soft ‘loans’ with an indefinite time to repay

[OK, I admit I made that one up, but it is the most relevant of the lot]