Security-24/7 channel inundated with subscribers

A new TV channel is to be launched by the security service M15, in a bid to improve its public service. Downing Street is known to have given its approval for the channel where the presenters wear balaclavas or are shown only in silhouette. Subscribers will be able to tune into live discussions about threat levels and the channel will have a threat level meter displayed on screen at all times, in case the public feel concerned about missing out on the text message service alerts due to mobile network problems.

Dame Linda Moneygram-Bullocks has confirmed that there is an imminent and immediate severe danger to the country from terra-wrists, as assessed by the Joint Alerts of Critical Kind for Eminent Threats (JACKET) committee. The hourly threat variation means that the public demands to know how serious the situation is at all times of the day. The move has prompted considerable public interest and sales of anti-terra goods from the associated website have been brisk. An insider said – ‘this has been in the pipeline for a while but we managed to get it out to allow the oil to flow again.’ Over Christmas the terra-wrist alert was severe to extra severe with promised disruption to air, roads and sea. This again did not materialize thanks to the bravery of trained M15 operatives engaged in interrogating dangerous suspects in Guantanomo Bay. A popular feature is will be a medium who looks into her crystal ball and predicts acts of anti-western terrarism that may affect ordinary members of the public. A premium rate phone line will enable viewers to take advantage of expert mystical help immediately, to allay fears of the threat posed by British Muslims and other extremist anti-war groups.