The scandal of Iraq's missing billions.

According to supersleuth Jason Burke of the Guardian, the country was missing billions that Saddam had stashed away for his retirement. Inspector Cluelesso has apparently leafed through ‘official’ UN oil-for-food documents in order to trace Saddam Hussain’s ‘illicit’ fortune. It is just as well that the Mr Burke hasn’t focused his trained eagle eyed gaze on the doings of the US government officials and companies like Halliburton who have misplaced billions in the shorter time span of less than four years (just a few links here, here and here). Hopefully the inspector will be on their case shortly and their time will come but then again it is just too boring writing about the USA stealing Iraq’s oil revenues. Scandalously, the major villains of the piece turn out to be the dastardly Syrians who helped Saddam to bypass the sanctions regime that killed more than a million kids (a price said by Madeline Albright to be well worth it). Perhaps Mr Burke will ensure that when the former president’s ill gotten gains are finally found in secret Syrian bank accounts, that they are used to help the families that lost those children. Allegedly:

‘Saddam had amassed $10.9bn 'through illicit means' between 1990, when sanctions were imposed, and 2003. The dictator [vital to remind people that he was a dictator unlike our current allies in Saudi Arabia, Kuwait, Qatar, Uzbekistan and elsewhere] is also believed to have hidden cash in accounts in Switzerland, Japan, Germany and other countries and to have invested in precious stones, possibly diamonds purchased in the Far East.

Wasn’t he also said to have invested heavily in WMD that was ready to destroy the UK in 45 minutes? I am sure I heard that somewhere. I wonder if he personally visited all those different countries to make the deposits and how he managed to make take out cash from the cash machine without people finding out. I mean surely they must have had CIA agents or even spy satellites looking over his shoulder for a PIN.

Another villain is Saddam’s daughter in Jordan, who despite promising to live quietly without carrying out political activities, has been single handedly financing all of the insurgency, according to Iraqi government sources. No doubt a bob or two will turn up in her cookie jar that she was intending to donate to Al-Qaeda to carry out ‘anti-Iraqi activities’. A lot of this information reportedly comes from Barzan Al-Takriti, Saddam’s half brother who was lucky enough to be posted ambassador of Iraq in a country famous for its secret banking facilities and quality watches. Unfortunately time seems to be running out for him too. I am sure when his secret funds are found, they too will be seized and returned to the rightful owners, Halliburton-in-Iraq PLC.