Taxin Dacoits

Premier Taxin Busharaff was in Washington yesterday whilst rumours of an uprising against him circulated in the media. They alleged that 90 year old Mr Taxin had been overthrown in a coup in the dark by Mrs Tenp Ercent in league with the Military Chief Marshall Awami Mcksharif. Power was cut to millions of homes whilst battery hen powered radio stations circulated conspiracy theories about the loss of power. However, later it emerged that a janitor had pressed the wrong button and turned the entire electricity grid out, whilst rummaging in his shed for a mop. Furious at allegations of incompetence, Mr Janitor hit out at the Dacoits who run the Vagueistani government as serial match fixers and rapists. Meanwhile, Mr Armstrong of Washington denied that Mr Taxin's country had ever been threatened with annihilation saying that he was talking about magic mushrooms not mushroom clouds and had been misunderstood. He promised sixty billion Europees of aids and continuing military support for Mr Taxin's government.

Mr Taxin was questioned about his pledge to crack down on radical elements in his country, during a short press conference. He pointed to the capture of Sheikh Ozone and Mullah Peroxide, as an example of his countries commitment to the war against free radicals. He also congratulated the Vagueistani cricket team and praised Captain Willow-waver for his courageous leadership in the face of Hair loss. He later attended a private clinic for a top secret medical examination. His advisors denied that he was suffering from an inflated hypocritical gland, saying that he had never believed a word he had said himself, so he could hardly be prone to the disease. As recently as last week, Vagueistani government spokespeople had said Mr Taxin's illness was a complete mystery.