Spin to Win

The right dishonorable Margaret Beckman-centrifuge, secretary of state for supporting Israel and the USA, has defended a foreign office annual publication after it missed out any criticism of Israel’s bombardment against Lebanon. Mrs Beckman-centrifuge was last night busy spinning her way out of trouble in line with government denials guidelines. She insisted at a press conference that the omission was due only to the timing being ‘a little tight’. “Hopefully we might mention it next year unless it is in the public interest not to do so” said Mrs Beckman-centrifuge. However, the extreme tightness of the deadline did not prevent the authors from working extra hard to find time to criticize Hezbollah AND Syria for attacks on Israel. They also really pulled out the stops when they cited Israeli casualties but unfortunately the deadline expired before they could include the much higher Lebanese casualty figure. The foreign office insisted that the Lebanese had been treated fairly because a colour picture of a Lebanese woman standing in the rubble of her home was included. Mrs Beckman-centrifuge reported that a local time cyclone generated by high centrifugation speeds was the explanation for the fact that a speech by Mr Asad of Syria, days after cessation of hostilities was included in the report, whilst Lebanese casualties were not.